I WENT to Hyde Park to feed my totem animal, the Ibis. I’ve defended this noble beast time and time again, against many a detractor. Imagine my shock when I went to take its photograph and it stuck its beak right in my Greek salad (not a euphemism).
Keeper? Switching my allegiance to ducks.
Hey man, now you're really living 
Oh Jenny, I am sad to hear that they are your totem animal as they haunted my childhood with their stabby beaks and scary scaly lizard heads. Every time we would go to the zoo we would be set upon by packs of ibises that would steal our sandwiches right out of our hands.