DAY 172: Getting my chops with a chainsaw

19 Feb

It wasn't like this.

BY rights, this should be an incredibly hot scenario. This should be me straddling a tree root, brandishing a chainsaw and spraying chips until a trunk comes screaming down in supplication. In the middle of a goddamn forest!

Unfortch, my chainsaw has all the traction of a butter knife with my technique and weighs a sodding ton. And then there’s the hard hat and chaps I’m being forced to wear. And not Xtina Aguilera-style chaps, either.

I keep hacking away at my tree, trying to get the angle right, but the saw’s so heavy that I can’t hold my spindly wrist straight. By the time I step back and survey my handiwork, it just looks like the tree’s been self-harming.

Don't hold it like this.

The lumberjack (I notice HE’S not wearing hard hat and chaps) steps in to make a wedge for me so that I can finish it off with a deft slice to the back, but my blade seems to only tickle the trunk, and whenever I pull it out in a huff it stalls. Jeez, it’s always awkward cracking the shits in front of someone you don’t know very well yet, isn’t it? Still, can’t be helped…

In the end we leave the big trees be and I fell a mighty sapling.

No worries.

“Some assignments are an A, some are a B-minus,” the lumberjack says generously as I order a latte in the logger’s pub. And that’s a D-minus for the availability of the latte.

Keeper? Well, I’m supposed to be going for my licence, so I’d better persevere.

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