DAY 141: Baring my soul on a dunny wall

19 Jan

Oh, you can't quite make it out? Shame.

I HAVE scrawled stuff on a toilet wall before, naturally, but it was always limited to the words ‘Gaye Bykers on Acid’ – a band so universally hated (“they’re that shit it’s carved on the side of a mountain somewhere” some wag once declared to stoke my ire) that I felt it my duty as a fan to redress the balance.

Opening my heart and letting the blood flow freely through permanent marker? No, haven’t done that.

Write the MOST romantic thing you can on a toilet wall” is the suggestion of Matt, whose less workable ideas (from a list of about 100) include: “Get your chainsaw licence (can arrange)”, “Spend a day with the Mafia (been a long time, but might still be able to arrange)”, “Spend a night in the lockup” and “Join the Young Liberals”.

I conscientiously decide to choose a joint where the walls are already defiled. I’m thwarted at first ― believe it or not, the walls of the Exford are unblemished ― but a quick phone call to a seasoned barfly tips me off to another joint in the city.

When I get there, though, I discover their loo walls are black, so I’m forced to take a pen to the bathroom mirror. I feel terrible about this prospect – and even more terrible that I go ahead and do it anyway. The owners were smiley, they went and made me one of the nicest drinks I’ve ever had, and then I go and scrawl my trite observation all over their décor. Despite the sentiment being enough to move the most hard-hearted bastard to tears, this defeats the point of my mission – of doing something I’ve never done before, but with good intent.* I might as well have joined the Young Liberals.

* I do have an Evil Intent list, but that’s just for my amusement.

 Keeper? No. Anyone know how to get marker off mirrors?

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