How to describe good things.
“AWESOME,” opined my learned friend, as he leant handsomely upon the bar, “would refer to a star going supernova.” He stroked his beard. ” THAT’S awesome.”
To give you some background colour, I had just that minute described his mate’s stand-up routine as “awesome” – which was disproportionately generous, but which seemed polite, considering the comic was standing beside me.
He’s quite right, though. I need to tone down “awesome” by several gigajoules. I ask people on Facebook for their thoughts, and they suggest:
* Grouse (too Victorian)
* Youf (too skater)
* Mintox (only Perthians know of this)
* Killer
* Cosmic
* Power
* Splendid/Marvellous/Brilliant (I use the latter two quite a lot, but I suspect they might be irritating)
* Tops (too twee)
* Fully sick
* Bonza (too ridiculous coming from an English)
And at school we said “skill” and “ace”. I’m partial to “skill”, but when I first started using it my brother told me it means the inside of a sheep’s bum. I’ve been looking for confirmation of this online, but none so far.
I think I will go bonza. Ridicule is nothing to be scared of.
Expressing mild approval.
When responding to reasonable suggestions or signing off a blah conversation, I am likely to respond with “cool”, like a baby boomer trying to be HIP. I used a thesaurus for this one and found: okay.
Expressing disapproval.
My “bollocks”, I notice, have turned to “bullshit” after spending some years in Australia. Yet another example of Americanism blighting this big brown land. I’m going to go true blue with pig’s arse.
Expressing surprise.
I’ve had “stripe me pink” and “stone the crows” suggested – and my grandmother used to exclaim “Gordon Bennett” – but I see nothing wrong with my default fuck me dead.
Saying hello and goodbye.
When bidding people farewell, I invariably say, “seeya” – or “seeya later” if I have no intention of ever seeing them again. However, I notice that seeya’s natural counterpart, “wotcha”, seems to have been lost along the wayside. Let’s bring back wotcha and retain seeya. The universe is aligned once more.
Keeper? Yes. But will update again in six months.
Hey man, now you're really living 
Personally, I’ve always liked the way “hai” “bai” have that same “wotcha” “seeya” symmetry. Am I being too Gen Y though?
Have been trying the new vocab out for a week and discovered that I will need two words to replace ‘awesome’.
‘Bonza’ works in this circumstance:
MAN: I’ve finished mowing your lawn.
WOMAN: Bonza!
But not this:
“I had a bonza time at your party.”
So for the second circumstance I might go “ace”.