I’D thought ‘gas’ was American for ‘petrol’ – giggle – but no. I’ve been joyfully reunited with my ute, now fixed, and I’m filling it up with a bit of gas because it’s dual fuel and it needs a bit in the tank at all times.
I pump the gas into the connection and it hisses right back out again, forming a frozen pool by my shoe. After a few minutes of this I fill the other tank with petrol and get back in – once I’ve figured out how to get the passenger door open again.
Truth be told, I’m too nervous to drive the thing myself right now. As a first car for the nervously inclined it’s starting to look like a dubious choice, and my parallel parking lessons didn’t extend to skips on wheels. So I get Old Dog to peel off down the freeway, with the old girl making a curious tha-thunk noise whenever there’s a burst of acceleration. Atmosphere: tense.
Keeper? Avoiding gas wherever possible. This vehicle is starting to look like a year-long challenge in itself, grumble.
Hey man, now you're really living 
I had LPG on my car (RIP) and it was a matter of aligning the pump nozzle at the right angle so it would attach snugly to the tank with the screw-on thing.
I am excruciatingly aware of how dodgy this talk of ‘screw’, ‘pump’ and ‘snugly’ must sound.
Good advice. I think I will practise opening and closing things in my drive for a few weeks without actually turning on the ignition. Everything only operates if you jimmy things in at curious angles and almost give up hope.