WHEN Dianne Todaro’s How to Talk to Boys landed on my desk, I immediately had a good fossick for some tips. Seeing as they’re all written in text-speak, I contacted Dianne directly to help me out with my own situations in grown-up sentences.
Sitch 1. Too many balls on the dance floor
When I’m attracted to a fella, I tend to ignore him in an angry fashion. This hasn’t progressed much since primary school, when I’d lob tennis balls at the heads of boys I liked. Since the relaxed, friendly approach doesn’t come naturally, what’s a more subtle option?
Dianne: You could always smile as you are lining up the balls. Being the ice queen will actually say more about you than it does about him. Knocking fellas over may work for a while, but you may get fed up with this approach, even bored.
Have you considered it may be time to let him throw the ball to you and take you off guard? Do you really have faith that your man will come and knock you out? If you don’t, let me believe it for you. And start looking in that mirror and telling yourself “I am enough”. Start simply by enjoying playing your own game and doing your own ‘thang’. Its just too hard doing back-flips to try and make ‘him’ appear in your life.
My thoughts: Di’s right, I do knock fellas over with my stupendous back-flips. I’m doing my thang pretty hard already, but I’m going to leave the mirror stuff out of it. NB: As positive affirmations go, “I am enough” seems a bit lacklustre. Especially in the age of:
Sitch 2. Keen as mustard
What’s a good way to hint that you’re ‘up for it’ without being too blunt?
Dianne: if you laugh at his jokes, you touch his hand when he offers you a drink, you gently get him to talk about himself and you have decided you have got that ‘zing’ tingling inside, say something like, “I am really enjoying your company. I wish I could stay longer but I really have to go right now.” If he says nothing, keep walking directly past this male species and don’t stop. Do you really want to be with someone that can’t pick up on your sexuality at its best? No. We don’t want that! You can do a whole lot better. The man who is into you will have no trouble at all reading your ‘flirting’ code of attraction. He will be so into you it will be so incredibly obvious. Men can be irresistible when they do the hunting. If you haven’t experienced this yet, be warned!
My thoughts: It’s suddenly got a bit hot in here. But about that “I really have to go right now”… presumably you waggle your eyebrows and tongue your cheek when you say that? Otherwise a bit subtle, no?
Sitch 3. Bring on the nubiles
When I was younger, I thought men preferred women to be lisping, knock-kneed and pliable. I can’t pull that off any more… but is it even true?
Dianne: No, that’s not true for all our men, but be aware, girls – a big percentage do love boobies. And if a girl is young and naïve, men can have more of what they’re naturally drawn towards.
Talking to boys will come naturally when you understand that you are totally the woman you want to be when you look at yourself in the mirror. Love is not a concept. It is actually a real thing. And each of us deserve to be loved and be able to love. That’s deep, but at the end of the day snuggling deep into his strong caressing arms wrapped around your hips feels a whole lot better than just dreaming about it. Leave the brains trust on hold till Monday when you get back to work, relax and enjoy being the girl.
My thoughts: …
Keeper? I think I need to get outside again. Chop down some trees.
Hey man, now you're really living 
If I were the hapless bloke would probably understand “I really need to go” as “I’m busting for the loo.”
Either that or I’ve been doing that flirting thing wrong all these years.