DAY 196: Learning how to reduce a traffic fine

15 Mar


I TAKE notes as the bush bandit sweet-talks and shimmies his way down from a $290, three-point fine to a $110, token one-point tiddler.

This’ll come in handy when VicRoads pulls its finger out and gives me my licence.

How to do it.

  1. Slide out of car and amiably walk towards police officer, so that he is not looking down at you in your seat.
  2. Position yourself between police officer and flapping side mirror, and greet him with a cordial g’day. Throw in as quickly as is casually possible that you are a local, even if you have interstate plates and a Frenchman’s moustache.
  3. Throw hands up (whether literally or figuratively – both work) and admit to the crime/s. Do not offer an excuse if there is not one.
  4. Never admit unroadworthiness, even when both staring at a large crack in the windshield where the rego sticker should be.
  5. Scratch head.
  6. Spin incidental yarn about this being your hometown, and that you’re returning here to look for work – a little bit Steinbeck, a little bit Hemingway, a little bit Twain.
  7. Agree contritely to whatever is being said – it’s a fair cop, etc. Let him have his pound of flesh.

Bingo. From being done for speeding, running a stop sign and being unroadworthy, we’ve haggled the cop down to just having no rego sticker – and it’s all down to body language and that curious bush protocol.

Keeper? Not sure I can pull this off. Talking of which… anyone seen The Bad Lieutenant?

2 Responses to “DAY 196: Learning how to reduce a traffic fine”

  1. helen March 16, 2011 at 11:16 pm #

    all you have to do is get out of the car and greet them nicely. seriously. and with your legs you will have no trouble. likely no fine at all. SERIOUSLY

  2. valentish March 17, 2011 at 8:46 am #

    You speak from experience, I’d wager. You saucy minx!

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