DAY 182: Getting a good snig

I saved this witchetty grub's life, so it owed me a photo.

YOU know, if I wasn’t being constantly supervised by burly experts I’d be going about many of my ventures in a very half-arsed manner – like for 10 minutes, tops. So it’s great that I have these hard taskmasters standing over me. I s’pose.

Today I’m going with the bush pirate to see a man about a dog chop some firewood. There’s a bit of a country-style barter system going on here. He’s had his ute fixed for free, so in return we’re visiting a coop to load up his friend with a stash for the winter. Tasmanians are very proud of their woodpiles, showing them off at the front of their houses. Shops, pubs and petrol stations have framed pictures of local loggers and heavy machinery lining the walls.

Or you could play golf.

After I take a few half-hearted swipes that come bouncing straight off again, the bush pirate demonstrates how to chop properly.

1)   Mark the spot on your stump with your axe. Make sure you’re going with the grain and avoid knots.

2)   Hold the handle with your hands about a foot apart and pull the axe back over your head.

3)   Slide your furthest hand back to join the other at the end of the handle, rock back and sling forwards.

3b)  Make sure you use your stomach muscles on that rock back, so that the weight of the axe doesn’t pull you backwards and send you staggering over stumps like a twat.

4)   Bend your knees as you bring the axe down. Make sure the blade hits the stump squarely, so that the wood splits like poetry.

5)   Keep going till you have a ‘good snig’ in your ute.

A good snig.

Keeper? I like chopping wood.